I’m deep in this mind game again. I engage in this mental warfare at least once a week if not a few times a week.
Should I go to yoga or watch another 3 episode of Outlander? I feel like surfing, but it's way too cold, forget that. A Buddha bowl sounds nice for dinner but I’m just gonna order pizza, I've earned it. I don't really need to meditate today.
The thing is, I really love and enjoy doing all the things that are good for me, things that I know will make me happy and bring me peace. I truly love going to yoga and know its a scientific fact that I will feel better physically and mentally if I eat healthier. So, why is it so hard to do them? Why does this mental challenge occur? I love myself and love doing what’s best for me, right?
When it comes to resisting what's good for us, I believe it comes down to three things:
One: Fear sets in. The human brain is designed to protect us and keep us alive. This makes sense for our hunter-gatherer days, but the brain does not differentiate between physical fear, like getting chased by a PMSing raccoon, and emotional fear, which can be very traumatizing, as most of have experienced. Our minds are designed to stop us from doing anything that will harm us. I'm sure you're wondering what perceived danger lies in doing yoga or meditating?
In my opinion, growth can be pretty scary. It's hard work and its emotional work. I didn't meditate for three months once, because I was tired of the emotional baggage that kept coming up. I would meditate, then weep, because deep-rooted pain was surfacing for me at the time. So, I stopped altogether because it was so draining.
It's a major challenge to sit down and face your demons. Spiritual work comes with a ton of growing pains. But that pain needs to be allowed to come up so they can be released. Have you ever done something good for yourself, and felt bad after? No, of course not, because you did something wonderful for your Inner Being instead of feeding your ego more fear, which is the ego’s main food source.
There is also the fear of failure, that your ego is trying to “protect” you from. An excuse you may tell yourself is going to one yoga class isn't going to make a difference. Or I should just eat this massive burrito because I'll never have the body I want.
It is so much easier to suffer because most of us cling to our identity as the victim. We are addicted to our suffering because maybe that's what we know best. Change is hard for a reason, we humans don't like change because we don't like not knowing. But, what if instead of having to know, we trusted? Trust yourself, love yourself. Do what brings you joy instead of letting your thoughts run the show. Is your fear making decisions for you?
Two: There is self-worth. Doing one day of meditation isn’t going to change anything. Going for a walk will only make me feel good for a little bit. I’ve told myself these stories countless times. Missing one day of yoga turns into a whole week and then I have a non-stop headache from watching too much Outlander and eating too much popcorn, adding to my all around crappy feeling even more. But, by doing things, or not doing these things, the message I am sending out into the Universe is I don't respect myself. I'm not worth it, I am not deserving of feeling good.
It’s like an emotional snowball of suffering. But, like I said, maybe suffering is what you know, it’s familiar, it’s comforting in its own way. It’s funny that it feels easier to suffer than do a little bit of extra work to feel good.
Then there is the fear of rejection once we do change...
If I lose all this weight will my clients still respect me and see me as one of them? If I always eat healthily, will people judge me for being too perfect? If I don’t brag about re-watching episodes of Outlander instead of going to pilates, will I still be relatable?
When we encounter positive change, we are killing off our old identity. And as I've said, our ego doesn't like change.
If you fear your new, healthier, happier identity won't be likable, let that shit go. You are doing something good for yourself. To heck with what other people think, those filthy animals. Your opinion of yourself is all that matters.
Figure out the source of your excuses you make for yourself. Do what will bring you the most joy from a place of least resistance. You deserve to be happy and be loved exactly as you are. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself and cultivate a devotion to yourself and your wellbeing.
Three: My third theory is this; If you lack inspiration or self motivation to do the things you really love, to do things you know bring you joy, then you are not aligned with your Inner Being, your higher self. You are out of alignment with Source my friend.
You should wake up everyday feeling joyful and energized and ready to do everything in your power to bring you more joy.
But, if you’re feeling lost, tired, sluggish, stuck, bored, then of course you're not going to have the self-motivation to do what makes you feel good. These are all very common symptoms of being not being aligned with your true self, Source, the Universe, whatever you wish to call it. The only way to feel good again is to get into alignment with who you are to your core. What will bring you the most joy? Listen to your intuition, it can take time, but you will live a much happier life once you fully connect to your inner being again.